心理上的痛你了解吗？

不知不觉
我跟他之间多了一道墙

从前那无所不谈的我们消失了

却出现了那敷衍的对白

我跟他真的再也回不到过去了吗？
从前那快乐的日子已变成回忆了吗？

我好希望这一切都是恶梦，我要快快醒来！！！

爱上了你那么久的时间我们还是没在一起。。。

对了!我们是不是真的不可能在一起的吗？

我真的有努力慢慢的把你放开了。。把爱放开。。。

但是，真的是办不到，

你可不可以将心比心吗？

如果，我叫你和他分开你会吗？

我相信你也不会吧？

你可以不爱我， 但你没有权利控制我爱你阿！！！

你为何那么的自私呢？

不管你如何的对待我，我还是不会放弃！！！

因为我 Athan Foo 不是言而无信的人。

我知道这几天对我很冷淡，原因是要我放弃你，要我把你给忘了，我的猜疑一点也没错，你忘了我对你说我会心理学的，你的心我早就看透了。

我不知道我为何会爱你爱到无法自拔，爱你真的没有原因，也许爱你已成为了我的习惯了。。。

不写了，想早一点睡觉了喲。。。

很累很累了。。。

可是，不管未来如何我还是不会放弃你的！！！！ 除非我死了！！！

你还记得吗？

今天是 10-02-2011 ， 一个月前我们相逢了，
我想信这是上天的安排吧。
是缘分把我们来在一起的，一个月前的今天我很开心因为我可以和你在以起。
伤心的时候我们可以一起拥抱，开心的时候可以一起笑。

可是，现在我们不能再像以往的我们了， 为什么我们变的很陌生了哦？
平时你直少还有给我一个Morning and night sms 的，为什么最近你都连这样的要求都不可以给我呢？

我真的很怕，你可以不要对我那么的冷淡吗？
今天，我打了通电话给你，我真的忍不了了，真的很想很想听到你的声音。
我问了你：你知道今天是什么日子吗？

你反问回我，我说是我们认识一个月了，
因为一个月前， 我们也曾经甜蜜过。
可是，你好像一点也不在乎。

我当时的心很痛，是非常德痛。。。
我连忙挂了你的电话，我不想你听到我哭得声音。。。
Dear Dear 我真的很爱很爱，我真的放不下你，

我有尝试过放弃你，可是我就是办不到。
尝试不去想你，但我的头脑就会不然而然的想起你，
我的手就好像中了毒 -《爱情的毒》
无时无刻的想信息你，很想听你的声音。

如果，爱可以分为4份， 你会给我几分呢？？
别告诉你连一份都不给我哦？
不管这么样我还是那一句老话我会爱你到永远我是不会放开你的。

DearDear 我真的真的很希望你会把一次机会给我好吗？
让我可以死而无憾。。。。
我的心很累很累了不知道可以活多久，我会等你等到我死的那一天。。。。

能够爱到一个很爱你而你比他爱你更爱他的人是超级幸福的???

今天我在fb看到我的朋友写了一句话
~~~能够爱到一个很爱你而你比他爱你更爱他的人是超级幸福的~~~
我真的很想相信这一句话，可是我爱的人感受不到我对他的爱。
我不希望你很爱很爱我，我只是希望你可以把我当成第二个“他”。
当他不在你身旁时我可以陪你度过，
当你不开心时，我希望你会找我。
只要你需要我的时， 我一定会陪在你身边。
这几天，你都对我非常冷淡，我很害怕
我很怕你会离开我，
今天，你来我家拜年，我真的很开心也很感动。
可是，我们都没说上几句话你就说要回了，
可能是因为我家人有在所以我们都没聊到吧。
可是，我真的真的很怕，因为这几天你会我的sms 都很敷衍
我很怕你就这样的不要理我了。。。
你说我给你带来很多的麻烦，你说我很烦，早知道就不认识我，
这一句真的是深深的伤我那一颗脆弱的心灵。。
我还是那一句话，我是永远不会放弃你的哟。。。
你每一次都叫我的英文名为- Than Than
如果用华语来念的话就是“等等”
所以，不管多久我会永远的等待着你的ＪＪ

07 02 2011 10：55pm 我崩溃！！！！

我只能说我崩溃！！！
年初五， 我非常不开心！！！
但你知不知道我的感受吗？？？
你了解我那一刻的心情吗？？？
我知能静静的坐在那里，闭上双眼，当做我看不到！！！
我不想在那里闹， 所以我就好好的当笨蛋。必竟你每次都叫我笨蛋。。。

我走了，我心也跟着碎了。。。
我无法形容当时的感受。。
我流泪了，我当时求上蒂保佑， 让你平安回到家。。

我还以为我很有大将之风，可以看你和他亲亲我我。
可是到后头我还是没有那么萧洒。
作晚，原以为我喝不多，但看你和他在一起，我就喝了很多，

在你面前我假装我没事，因为我不想让你担心，
当你流泪的那一刻，我的心也跟着一起痛，
我忍着眼泪，我尊重眼泪，
不想在你面前再流泪。

原想以最快的速度会到家，但我的头很晕了，
心想如果再一次Accident， 那就一了百了，
可是，如果我就这么死了，Mummy 一定会很伤心的。

一个人在无人的道路上打了一通电话给Vincent，
过了不知道多久，他也到了，叫他的另一个朋友架我的Car 会到他的家。
他看了我语无伦次的，就给了我一巴掌，这一巴真把我给打醒了

我也就抱着他痛哭了一场。
Vincent: I JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DRIVING ME BACK HOME AND ACCOMPANY ME FOR THE WHOLE NITE LONG, YOU ARE MY BESTEST BUDDY EVER!!! ITS MY PLEASURE TO MEET U IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!

Wesley: I ALSO WANNA THANK YOU FOR SMS-ING ME, CONCERNING ME, THANK YOU SO MUCH AS WELL. I WILL NEVER FORGOT YOU GUYS DE. ANYTHING U NEED MY HELP YOU GUYS JUST CALL ME, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU GUYS AS WELL...

最后，我想和你说，JJ我真的真的很爱很爱你。
我希望你可以的话可以给我次机会吗？
JJ我再也不想看到你在我面前哭了，我真的真的很想抱你在我的怀里

好了，我不想再写了。。。、
再写下去我的眼泪就会不停的

= ( Down Down Down =(

First of all, I would like to wish all my follower a Happy bunny CNY 2011 ^^ Tho past few day lots and lots of people keep wish me a Happy CNY, But am I really happy??? What I can do is to pretend to put on a smile on my face ..... I am NOT HAPPY at all.... This is because JJ not at my side..... JJ ni zhi dao wo hen ai ni ma??? Ni ke yi kan shou dao ma??? Mei you ni de ren zhi wo hen ku tan..... Mei you ni pei pan de re zhi wo hen ku tan worrr...... Dear JJ, just now I went to have a look on ur blog, I saw u wrote so many emo stuff, it makes me felt more sad more sad..... Do you know what u wrote hurted me the MOST??? I bet you dunno!!!! U said: even if he dumped you one day, you will continue to wait for him like a dumb gal!!!! I am just nobody!!! I am not even ur bf, but I will become a dumb boy too!!! Waiting for you to accept me in future!!!! I dont care what is the outcome in the future, because I will try my very best to win your heart!!! JJ wo xiang he ni shuo, ru guo ni de bf bu zhen xi ni, ni hai you wo hui zhen xi ni..... Wo xi wang ni hui hao hao kao lu wo barhh =( Wo xiang xin wo dan ran hui bi da gen hao de...... wo hui gei ni xing fu de ^^

~~~ Anxiety ~~~

Past few days I suffer from a very very bad migraine and it last for a few weeks just that the past few day is the worst ever!!! Goshhhhh I keep feel like puking..... and that is why I keep on suspecting that I might had a tumour in my brain... I was very worried .... Then back on monday nite, I started to dreamt of my relative that had pass away, they were smiling at me and waving at me.... and I've a strange feeling that they wanted  me "to join them"..... and then on tuesday nite I dreamt of my late daddy ..... he hugged me tightly and he told me that he miss me so much and then he dun wanna let me go.... I kept telling him that I have to go now I still have to take care of mummy and ah gal and yet my lover haven accept me.... I dun wanna leave her so soon!!! When I woke up I knew that wasnt a dream and it feel so real!!! I keep on thinking of the dream. Is there any hint in that dream?? Perhaps I might not live longer in this world anymore??? I was horrified  =' (
And the next day I told JJ  that perhaps I cant wait until the day she accept me, and yet she keep on scolding me think too much... I really hope that is I think too much.... I did asked: if anythg happens to me will you accompany me to faced it even though now we haven been together?? And she answered YES!!! That simple reply really touch my heart!!! I felt so so happy to have her in my life... I really love her so much ..... but recently she is so emotional due to her bf keep quarrel with her and yet treated her so so cold..... They've been together for almost a year and yet they keep quarrel.... I did told her that if you guys keep on quarreling I can assure that ur relationship wont last long cos I did encounter that situation before.... If I am selfish enough I will make them break easily but I dont wanna see JJ sad.... No matter what happen I will always support JJ and will keep comfort her when she is sad.... I will remember all the promises that i had promised you!! I will not give up you JJ!!! I wanna spend my life - every single seconds with you JJ!!! JJ I am very sure that you are my true love, although you were not my first gf but you will be the LAST!!!! JJ I love you .... If we really got together then I am sure that I will not make you unhappy and keep on making you feel like the first time we date ^^

Dear Dear I miss you!!!!

Dear Dear these few days I can feel that u treated me so cold and last nite I called you but u seems so moody and talk to me roughly.... saying that u will not meet me anymore u know at that time my heart feel so pain??? Do u understand my feeling??? Can you feel it?? But its ok, I dont mind perhaps you are moodless so I dun wanna bother u so much.... But I really hope that u know I miss you so so much... I dun dare 2 sms or call you because I scare u will be annoyed by me... but at last I still sms and call you because I really cannot stand the day without hearing ur voice!!!!..... I love you is not because of your look..... Today saw u post something abt ur constellation, saying that u r a bad boy always treated people so cold but still got alot peoples got attracted by you...... I just wanna let u know that I love u not because of ur look!!! Is because I really love you - it is your caring and the way you treat people that attracted me!!! I know I might failed to chase you but I dun k at least I tried my best and I will not regret!!! I dun wanna lose you!! I really wanna to be with you dear dear!!! I really love you! I have no one to talk to so what I can do is to write down all my feeling towards you..... Dear ur heart is made out of flesh not steel so I am confident as long as I dun give up I will still have chance!!! So I hope that you dont forced me to give up!!! I will keep trying no matter what!!!